Looking back on 2012

Went to Europe again.  How lucky I am to have been so many times in my life.  Paris is now almost familiar and more picturesque than ever.  I realized why they still have all those beautiful 19th century buildings.  They caved to the Nazis and didn’t get bombed!  I think California cuisine trumps French these days.  Don’t know about the wines since I don’t drink.  The frogs along the Cher River justified my insomnia during our stay in the Loire Valley.  Chenenceau castle took me to another time where Catherine de Medici put up with Diane de Poitiers.  Meanwhile the Queen (Elizabeth) celebrated her 60th year on the throne of England.  Berlin was full of memorials for Jews and those who attempted to escape the East, among others, and also plenty of  young people who had learned English in any number of American Midwest high school exchange programs.  I had to confront my own sexism when we had a female pilot on our Lufthansa flight back to Paris.  Of course she can fly just as well as a guy!!!  Speaking of planes, the jumbo jet that seats 800 turned out to provide the most space in coach and the smoothest flight despite my initial apprehension.  Summer came and became one long hospital visit, watching my father-in-law try to breathe interspersed with shopping sprees for my future grandson’s nursery with his mama.  In August we welcomed him, dear Samuel, and found we preferred the upbeat halls of maternity to the strain and pain of the respiratory floor.  Old man and newborn finally met in September and two days later my father-in-law passed away.  The rest of the year has flown by, what with work, holidays, and the focus of our newest family member who brings a smile to all our faces and a healing to our hearts for whatever grief, regret, or angst momentarily grips us.  Today I found myself feeling open rather than searching (as has been my usual M.O.), open to the present, not looking for something that isn’t there.  It is.  All of it.  Here.